A wig for his wig

Under review: Paul Diddy's "Cultivated Incompetence"

Let me answer verbally, with letters I mean.
Spiraled round like walking forest, jungle birds sing
echo conic physicist notions, annular things.
Circles turning circles hey and rings within rings.

Prance to the floor like Franz Boas,
colleckon tribal languages electronically,
reckon accorded an oral record;
Henry Miller lip up on a boogie woogie beat.

Once in stanza now in hearse, the worst
foretold at most too much, but less in challenge
than as such, and such, environment and trust.
Clutch thee thy art, though not its valence.

But stand on the cutting room floor, in war,
and thrust the magic of your buttons not in holes
but into suddens, ovens, covens, bowls, in love.
If I understand your thrust, or theme, or rocknroll.

If empty bellies is the curse, or worse, the terror
lies in not quite listening, and therefore
dies in warfare with the spies in respite whispering,
now sister see, the play's the thing wherein
we'll find the conscience of the king.

come one

Re: You are disgusting

I can't be sure anyone will find this interesting, but Lars' post that appeared for a day or two then disappeared inspired me to sift through old e-mails and I found this one from the whole Amish debacle. I find myself still having to defend myself about that fucking post. Also, Lars once asked me to write about it, and I think my response is basically all I have to say on the subject. I feel a little bad because I think the message came from a kid.

Subject: You are disgusting
[Someone Who Hates Me xxx]@yahoo.com wrote:
I don't know where you get the idea that the amish are bad. You have no right whatsoever to be making fun of a poor little amish girl who was injured very badly. You are not even from Cuba like I am so you don't even know the whole story. It is jerks like you that make up the scum of America! You people with your sick humor think that you are on the top of the scale and better than anyone else when in the end everyone just thinks you are an idiot!! Maybe you should think about what you write next time!! As a citizen of Cuba and a friend to the amish your views are somewhat racial and very disturbing to me. Considering your from Chicago, at least I'm assuming from your email address, you probably have never even seen an Amish person as well as met one because if you had, you would have realized just how polite and humble they are as a society. Maybe before you go bad mouthing what you don't understand, try to research or at least look into the topic before making a complete ass of yourself on the entire internet for the whole world to read. Good one. Besides you don't even have the guts to pick on someone who can fully defend themselves, thats a little cowardly don't you think? Think before you write!!

Citizens of Cuba Illinois

Subject: Re: You are disgusting
Sam Bakken [xxx]@yahoo.com wrote:
Well Mr. (or Ms.) [NAME] (I won't address the citizens of Cuba, Illinois because I can't believe they'd select someone as inarticulate and rude as you to represent them), I appreciate your e-mail--especially the civil tone you employed. I can't help but wonder if you're a jester as your logic jumps so erratically that I imagine many a laugh interupted your train of thought as you typed. I suppose you being an elementary school student could also explain it (if you are, your parents shouldn't let you read Chicagoist--I think it's rated X).

Anyway, I'm perfectly willing to admit that you may know more about the Amish than I, but to decide who possesses the most knowledge of the Amish, we should probably take some sort of test written and proctored by an unbiased party. And if you want to set that up, I'll be ever-so-willing to participate (maybe it could be held at your school).

But that test will have to take place after the 27th of December when I return to Chicago from Minnesota (where I grew up). In Minnesota there are plenty of Amish people, so rest assured that growing up I saw a few of them. And I realize many people think the Amish are polite and humble, but frankly, I think they are the ones that think they're "better than anyone else". And I think they're sort of fooling themselves because if the U.S. military weren't protecting the U.S., they'd be out of luck. But because you read my post so carefully I probably don't need to elaborate any more on my point.

I'm growing weary working on a response to your harangue when I know it's not likely that you'll read it, so I'll close with a numbered list (so I don't have to worry so much about paragraphs and transitions and the like).

1. I didn't make fun of "a poor little amish girl who was injured very badly". I made fun of/criticised a group of people that I think are following an unanalyzed/false philosophy. I also specifically mentioned "of course we hope everyone is OK" when I mentioned the accident.

2. Your statement "your views are somewhat racial" is completely ridiculous (one of my best friends is half Amish), please explain what you mean.

3. I did research the topic I was writing about. In fact, I linked to at least four other sources that discussed the Amish.

4. Not everyone thinks I'm an idiot. I can provide a list of at least 15 people that don't. Be careful with those generalizations (you'll learn more about that as you continue with your schooling--it's important not to generalize if you want to think clearly and scrape at the truth).

5. You're correct, I don't understand the Amish, that's WHY I was criticizing them. (Now be careful with this next sentence, I'm not comparing the Amish to Hitler.) I don't understand why Hitler did what he did, so by your logic then I shouldn't criticize Hitler's motivation, right? Can we agree that it's pretty much always OK to criticize Hitler? I'd bet so, but can you say, "I can understand why Hitler did what he did"? If so you probably need to be locked up.

6. You write "It is jerks like you that make up the scum of America!". I'd like to know what kind of a jerk you think I am. And I'd also like to know your definition of "scum of America". Again that simple, generalizing sort of approach to discourse won't get you anywhere. You ought to take a critical thinking course. I could probably stand to brush up too. Maybe we could take one together so we don't feel lonely.

7. I pick on everybody--those able to defend themselves and those not.

8. I ALWAYS think before I write. I think that's why I write well. And as long as I continue to do that, I'll continue making an ass of myself. (I think you need to think about really READING a piece of writing before you REACT to it.)

So really, "whatever" [name], or rather, congratulations--you've joined the finger-wagging mob. And...I think I...hold on a second...yep! I see you in the crowd! In fact, I think I see you wagging both of your index fingers! Keep up the good work! As long as you're busy being offended you won't have to actually think about what the offender said and after thinking about it possibly uncover a bit of the offender inside your self.

I know I said I was closing with the numbered list, but just one more paragraph (you've inspired me!). The post you're so concerned about was the last that I wrote for Chicagoist. And it's likely that it will indeed be the last. Too many people (the mob) are afraid of people that think differently than them, and unfortunately those people tend to win in the end and silence those different thinkers. Now don't get me wrong, I've only been silenced for now. Soon enough I'll be right back out there, maybe on Chicagoist, maybe somewhere else.

Happy Holidays!

Sam "The Jerky, Scummy, Idiot, Assy Coward" Bakken

P.S. Christ, people. Remember when we would post all the time on this bitch? We should harken back to those good, old, glory days. Post something--even just a link and a paragraph.